You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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