I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you had me at cake vodka
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
