His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
