im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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