How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
