There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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