Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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