"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
