Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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