why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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