you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
