so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
