Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
