hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
