At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
