I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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