Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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