The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
