ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
should my penis look like a turkey
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
