Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
