dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
