Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
