I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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