the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
