First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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