I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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