Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Are we still banned from the library?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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