god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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