He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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