Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
