bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
