I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
