This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
