So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
