the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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