She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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