My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
