Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
