I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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