wat bout pragnant strippers??
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
