yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
