yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
