i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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