if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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