just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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