You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
