And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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