Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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