my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
