I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
