i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
