I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
