R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
