Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
